Natter natter natter ...
Tatz ALL she does !
Blehhh ! Always thinking herself as some superior grade shark's fin while Dad , Sis & I are juz rotten ikan bilis fins . WTF ?! Always comparing with the better off , always comparing Dad to other people's more capable husbands , always comparing me and Sis to other better behaved & better off children , always comparing this and that ! Compare compare compare !!! NEVER satisfied with life . ALWAYS making cutting remarks and feeling gleeful when people get hurt to hurt people ! Example :
Mum : "Haizz ... If your stoopid father didn't opt out (of some ancient pension scheme) last time , we'll be so much better off now . No need to slog like mad . What to do ? Marry this type of man , have these type of lousy children . All like blocks of lard , cannot move , not open to changes ."
Me : *Blinks more stoopidly*
Or ...
Me (to Mum on days that she's rational) : "Do U know sometimes the way U comment or talk , U really hurt people ?"
Mum : *With a wee tad of guilt* "Ya , I know . But I don't want to change leh !"
Me : -_-"
Or ...
Mum : "You don't think your $500 (allowance to her & Dad @ $250 each) is alot ah . Itz not even enough to pay for you still staying in this house and eating so much food (ya , I like eat like a gorilla :D) and using so much electricity (and ya , I like defibrillate myself every hour lor ;D) ! If I rent out your room , I can get even more than that !"
Me : :'(
How to reason with this type of person huh ?? I really try to give all allowance to the fact that she really had a very very bad and unhappy childhood and life story . And maybe it's a fact that Dad , Sis & I don't perform up to HER expectations (or maybe juz me at least ?) . And she has really contributed alot to the family in monetary terms . But do that give her a 'passport' to behave like how she's behaving now ?? Doesn't it make sense that even more she'll want her own children to have a happier childhood ? But no lor , tatz not the case . Arghhh ... Please tell me ! Anybody ?! Maybe how she behaves is totally acceptable and I'm wrong to say she's wrong ? Tell me PLEASE ! :(
She has her times of nice-ness and love for us . But I feel her horrid times of nastiness are really enough to overwrite her good .
Haizzz ... I dunno . Maybe I'm juz the wrong one . Maybe I'm really JUST the rotten egg . Maybe itz juz really my own fault that I'm STILL single , JUST a nurse earning peanuts (and giving her peanuts) , SO brainless , SO ugly & fat & SO useless (all in Mum's words) . All that I can take or maybe admit or apologise that IT IS my fault for being such a loser . But what I can't accept is : that she comments all my friends are just like me (?) , she always say I'm senile (??) , she threatens me wif things that I love , e.g. : if I dun do certain things or if I argue wif her and she can't win , she'll threaten to release my cats out 1 by 1 (????!!!!) and she really literally damages or throws around my stuff , especially my favourite stuff juz to 'get back' at me (?????!!!!!) . Even right up till now , when I'm at 29 ?!
Okayyy , I know some of U will probably say "Ya lah , your own fault wat . Who ask U to be such a loser ? Your Mum is right to behave like that . She's already very kind to U lor , letting U keep so many cats ." or "U lah , always so playful and naughty as a child , can't study one . Spend so much of her $ on tuition and still get lousy grades ." or "Can't take it then move out lah . Ownself don't move out then make so much noise ." . Oh well , U think I wanna be such a loser meh ? U think I don't try to be a better person ? Well , I try , maybe not my best but I DID try okay ... but itz NEVER enough . And U think I enjoy staying on to endure such shit from her or making her "so miserable" ? I would run away , as far as I can if I could , but I'm just not earning enough to have my own place and I just love our current house alot . Can't bear to simply shift away from a nice house that I'm satisfied with (unlike her) just to get away from her . And maybe I shud juz lower my high expectations and juz go and marry some Thomson , Dickyson or Hairy juz to get out of this shit . Oh well , guess I've got no choice but to bear wif it all and juz rant here . Who ask me to be born a loser , a lousy daughter or an idiot in general ?? But I firmly believe that if I can give her good $$$ , my life would be much much better . Not kidding okay !! Haizzz ... just ignore me . I'm the screwed up one okay ??? Happy ? On a lighter note , saw The Nerd off this early AM at the airport . She shud be transit-ing at Tokyo by now and on her way to USA . Hahaha !! Poor her got a total of 22 hours and 48 minutes (!!!) just to get to from Singapore--->Tokyo--->USA Washington DC---> Phoenix Arizona to meet her bro (who's there on a SAF stint) & sis-in-law . *Gasp* Think I'll juz go mad if I had to travel like her . Seriously , I'd juz pay abit more to get better flights wif SIA than to go thru' all the transit-ing sia . But at least she's living my dream right now , which is to go to USA . :'( Dream on Ranz , dream on . Anyway , hope The Nerd reaches there safely and enjoys her time there and comes back safely wif lotsa stories to tell me :D . Okay , back to catching up on :
TVB's Catch Me Now
A really cool serial . Especially wif Damian Lau !!! *Swoons* I ever mentioned that older men (but not too old lah !!) appeal to me rite ? Wahaha !! ;p Anyway , this serial is something like Oceans 11 , 12 & 13 . Where there's this bunch of super cool professional robbers . Hard to catch them 'coz they simply got their ways to disguise themselves and evade capture ? Well , same here lor . Shud catch it if U can . Haha !! Only available for rental rite now though . K , ta ta , will study tomolo . :p
Labels: Mum
NAME : ~Ranz~
